Separation anxiety can be hard on toddlers and parents alike. There are some steps you can take to minimize their anxiety.
1. Prepare your toddler
While your toddler can not have an adult-level conversation with you, he can probably understand more than you think. Using easy, frank words, talk to him about where you're going and what will be happening. Make sure you also stress that you will return. You can practice with a toy - have your child's toy "leave" for a little while, then return it to him. This at least gets him used to the concept of departure and return. Remember, this is new for him.
2. Visit the caregiver and place ahead of time
Develop a relationship with your child's caregiver, and familiarize your toddler with the childcare center if she is going there. Have the babysitter over to your home for a visit on a day when you aren't going out, and when you visit the care center make it a fun outing. Your toddler will come to associate the caregiver or center with positive feelings.
3. Don't have a meltdown yourself
Keep your own attitude up-beat and calm. Your toddler, after all, looks to you for reassurance. She doesn't necessarily know if a situation is cause for panic or fear and will look to you to see what it's all about.
4. Don't sneak out
It may be tempting to slip out the door unnoticed when your toddler is otherwise occupied, but this can actually make separation anxiety worse. If your toddler thinks you could disappear at any moment, she will respond with even greater clinginess.
5. Respect the feelings
It is scary for toddlers when you leave. Help your toddler identify the often overwhelming, scary feeling of separation anxiety by naming it. "I know it feels scary and sad when Mommy goes away. That means you miss me. I understand that feeling." Then assure her that you will return.
6. Make a smooth transition
Using a timer can be helpful here. Have the babysitter come to your house early, and then set a timer that will "count down" the minutes until you leave. Remind your toddler often during the count down - "In ten/five minutes Mommy will leave." Let the babysitter interact with your toddler during this time, gradually transitioning the care over to the sitter.
7. Have the toddler leave you
Have the babysitter take your toddler for a walk or outing at the same time you are leaving. He will see you getting into your car as he goes with the sitter down the street. Psychologically, this helps toddlers cope with being left.
8. Have a special treat associated with the caregiver
On "babysitter night" or "daycare days," let your child have a special toy or some other treat that you only give when she is with a caregiver. Hopefully, she will come to associate the caregiver situation with the special treat.
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